Maturity and Happiness
Opening
Today I would like to talk about "How we can mature ourselves and make ourselves happy."
There are so many ways around us that we can try for it. we can find the way from books, Youtube, and offline classes. however, it seems like it takes more time for choosing the way than actual practice. So today I am going to introduce a very clear but deep, simple but effective way to mature ourselves and make ourselves happy in the psychological field. Especially when you have a problem with someone or something. You are what You do. You can have more maturity and happiness by practising this.
7 psychological areas in us
When we have certain situations that give us stress or conflicts or a hard time, The first thing we have to do is stop going to other people or other things. We have to stop and start to look at ourselves. We have to check our body, our thinking, our feeling, our action, our personality, our relationship, and our performance. these are 7 psychological areas in us that really matter for our maturity and happiness. There are mountains of psychological remedies. but all of them, I think, comes to these 7 psychological areas.
We usually say, What's learned in the cradle is carried to the grave. The same thing happens in these 7 psychological areas. Since we were born and as we grow older and older, it begins to form a pattern in us with these 7 psychological areas. The pattern begins to be formed from when we were young, and it is affected mostly by people who very close to us, like the family.
How 7 Psychological Areas work in us
Let me show you how 7 psychological areas in us work when we have situations.
When we meet a certain situation, the first thing that responds is our body. For example, When I meet a very scary person, my breathing stops, my eyes wild open, and my hands shake. I guess it is the same for most people.
Then we begin to think. "Oh my god, what I have done wrong so that I meet him/her today?", "I want him just to go away not bothering me." or "Shall I say hello with a smile or ignoring him?"
And after, we feel something. Fear, Shame, Anger, or Happiness. Believe me. Some people feel happy meeting a scary person or thing. You are the same if you like horror movies or thing in Everland.
Then you begin to act. Reactivating your breathing system, maybe accelerate it. Hu~Hu~. Or changing your face pretending you are absolutely OK, or turning around and running away, or come closer and blow a punch first. I guess we have someone like this. Hahaha
These thinking, feeling and action make up our personality. Defining personality is a very difficult process, but it indeed shows itself through thinking, feeling and action.
By these three, we respond to the situation, and our relationships are prescribed by that responses. Consequentially the situation responds to our responses. and we repeat this process again and again. As time goes by it begins to be a pattern in us, and that is how we perform ourselves in our daily life.
How we have to deal with 7 Psychological Areas to go for maturity and happiness.
From these 7, we have to focus on our feelings. Normally, we feel some responding emotions. It is natural. But we all have certain situations that make us respond abnormally. When others feel a certain emotion maybe 3 to 5 level, we feel 8 to 10. It continues over and over again. We call it "Primary emotion". One of my 'Primary Emotion" is feeling felt out. For example, when I feel I am not accepted or welcomed by people I like, I feel horrifying loneliness and it stirs my whole existence. It hurts a lot. a lot. That is what we call "Pain Circulation: what we have to deal with for our maturity and happiness. Usually, people have 3 or 4 Primary Emotions. This is the key to going close to our maturity and happiness.
Here are 3 steps to make it.
First, we have to find our own "pain circulation" and Primary Emotions that make us act like a child and feel unhappiness.
Second, we have to stop doing our habit that we have been doing as a response to our Primary Emotions. For example, when I feel lonely I tend to ring my friends, or watch movies, or pray, or make a smile pretending I am ok. I have to stop doing that because it means running away from reality and only makes things worse, taking me back from my maturity and happiness.
Third, we have to keep that response in us. We have to build muscle to endure it on our own. We can talk about it to someone we really trust and rely on. It helps. However, we have to know that it is my problem and I am the one who is going to deal with it throughout our whole life.
Closing
Today We have talked about "How we can mature ourselves and make ourselves happy" by introducing 7 Psychological Areas, Pain Circulation, and Primary Emotion. We went through how it works in us and prevent us from going to Maturity and Happiness. and finally, we have checked 3 steps that will bring us to our goal, Maturity and Happiness. As I said it is clear but deep, simple but effective. It could seem a little bit difficult. It is true. It takes time. But it absolutely worth trying. As it did to me, It will make a difference in your life as well. '
From my speach at Toastmasters Signature