The agony of The Passion of Christ was "Why Should I die?"
The agony of The Passion of Mary was "Why Should He die? not me."
From these two agonies, I learn two ways of love.
Today we celebrate the Day of Memorial of Our Lady of Sorrows.
People usually think Mary suffered from watching his son had gone through all the pain and contempt. So did I. However this time I could see there was something more. In addition to watching his son's sufferings, I found she had her own suffering, "Why he should die, not me."
If there was any way of her to die instead of him, then she would've done. I know it. I am sure. Because I see this from so many mothers in the world, including my mother. loving their child more than their child loves them.
As you well know, my parents were not happy for me to join the congregation. My family and I were having a hard time, breaking each other's heart. I should be the one who felt sorry, I actually did, but it was my mother who felt sorry more than me, even though I let her down. That was because she loved me more than I loved her.
So I have faced with one question. who loved more, Jesus or Mary? I have no idea. I just guess, as a human, Mary loved Jesus more than he did, and as a God, Jesus loved Mary more than she did. Whatever the answer is, Mary was the one who loved Jesus the most amongst human.
When I was a novice, I had volunteer work at a welfare facility. On my way back to Noviciate, I often saw a mother got on the bus with her son who is bigger than her. Most of the time mother was yelling at her son "Behave, Sit, Be quiet" and sometimes she even slapped his back. "bang." I got so upset at first. But as I saw them again in the following weeks, I could understand why she had to treat him like that, and I could see how much she loved her son. Her son was a mentally and physically disabled person. Is she did not treat him harshly, he would have irritated or harmed people on the bus. She was doing her best for her son.
During meditation with today's Gospel, I could see how she had felt watching her son. I realised that she was the one who felt the pain most, and she would have done anything if she could change their position. Then I realised that was how Mary felt from her son Jesus' death.
I had learned taking my cross is one way of love.
And today from Mary I have learned another way of love.
To take my eyes from my agony and my cross and give them to other people's agony and their cross standing by them.
I will try to see not only my cross but also my brother and sister's cross.
I will try to see not only my agony but also my brother and sister's agony, considering that is mine.
Like Mary did to her son Jesus in her sorrow.
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